A Waste of Time?

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present outcome, that many people would be kept alive [as they are this day].

Genesis 50:20 AMP

REFLECTION

by Mary Alice McGinnis

Have you ever asked yourself, “Is this just a waste of my time?” or “Have a wasted a lot of my life?”

This year will mark twenty years since first marriage unraveled. That year, on Christmas morning, my first husband and I sang a song in church together titled, “All Is Well,” by Point of Grace. Little did I know that this was his way of duping me into believing everything was okay.

You see, he had invited a woman to spend Christmas dinner with us as a family. His reasoning was that she had no family with whom to spend the holidays. My compassion for a lonely person took over. I ignored my instincts, pushed aside my doubts, and determined to be gracious.

As the month ahead unfolded, I realized that the man I had fallen in love with as a teenager, my high school sweetheart, the father of our two beautiful children, and my marriage partner for twenty-five years, was having an affair.  There had been signs, certainly. And it wasn’t the first time. The shadow of infidelity had haunted our marriage for years. We had sought counseling together for a long time, clinging to the hope that our shattered trust could be repaired. The work was exhausting, and yet I always knew that the ugly monster of betrayal might return.

This time, I knew our relationship was beyond repair. This was the end of our relationship. I had poured over thirty years of my life into this person—more than half of my time on earth.

The questions echoed in my mind: Did I just waste my life loving someone who would betray me so deeply? Was loving him a huge waste of time?

Over the years, the Lord has gently pressed this truth into my aching soul.

Love is never wasted.

Jesus told His disciples, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. . . But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

I know how hard it is to love those who reject you. I know the pain of betrayal. I know how much it hurts when those you have loved deeply intentionally conspire against you.

Guess what? So does Jesus. He willingly loves the world - and even us - when each of us turn our backs on Him, betray Him, and intentionally stick a spear in His side. While suffering on the cross He cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” He released the outcome of His love into His Father’s hand.

Love is never wasted. I may not see it, I may not understand it, but I am pressing into the hope that He is using even these hard things for His good.

We can entrust the outcome of our unrequited outpouring of love to our Heavenly Father. Even when relationships are never restored, we can find healing. Even for those who will never say they are sorry, we can forgive. Even for those who may never realize the full weight of their wrongdoing, we can allow our love for them take a new shape.  We can lean into Jesus' strength as we walk the journey of forgiveness, healing, and surrendered love.

God promises He will use what was intended to harm us for His good – in His perfect plan – to bring about His magnificent outcome, far beyond what we can think or imagine.

Prayer – Lord, love is hard. You have called us to love as You love, letting go of the outcome. Help me to release my hurt, by pain, my suffering into Your hands, trusting that You will bring about some beautiful, magnificent outcome. I surrender to Your promise to me - love is never wasted.